O tla batla go dira eng ke future?- Ga ke itse!

For me, in these beginner stages of learning how to live in the present, it seems easier if I can say to myself that I dont know what will happen in the future... I've had my entire life planned out since now so its difficult for me. So ive been trying to think of some different possibilities that maybe I could do after Peace Corps.. and ok, i know, its still sorta like making a list, but its a start for me!

I'm thinking maybe I could:
** take my post-bacc classes and the MCATS and apply for med school
** apply for grad school to be a nurse practioner
**Work for an international NGO in Switzerland, Denmark, Amsterdam, Sweden
**Make my comeback in the dance world! I miss ballet sooooo much and Ive been doing a lot of stretching and pilates type stuff, so maybe I can take the dance world by storm! (or at least get a part-time job and dance with a pre-professional company for a year or two)

(putting asteriks instead of numbers makes me feel like its less of a list)

Maybe Ill do all of these! Maybe Ill do none of these! The point is that for the first time in my life, coming up with many different options that are all on equal footing is allowing me to say, " I dont know what Ill be doing two years from now, and thats ok. Because Ill be doing something amazing, and Im doing something amazing right now!" I catch myself trying to plan out each scenario in my head, what it would be like, what I'd need to do.. but when i catch myself doing that i just say," i dont know!" I'm trying to make that my mantra these days... and everytime i say it, for the first time, I feel a strange sense of calm and acceptance, which is something i have never really experienced before in regards to not knowing how my future would work out.

Hopefully some day I will be able to live in the present- to live with intention every moment- and also live with direction, without letting direction fully take control over my life like its done in the past. But for right now, I'm focusing on living in the present, on living intentionally every moment here in South Africa...

kisskiss- Bontle