Bontle's first jive...

...and certainly not her last.

just what South Africa needs...

I've found the answer to all of South Africa's problems with violence and racial tension in this simple poem by Shel Silverstein:

" I will not play at tug o' war
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
instead of tugs,
where everyone giggles
and rolls on the rug,
where everyone kisses,
and everyone grins,
and everyone cuddles,
and everyone wins."

*****
In other news, I went with the lay counselors last week to turn in their application to apply as an Non-profit organization. It has been a dream of theirs for over two years, so it was quite momentous. We also had a little celebration for the arrival of our lay counselling training certificates. Other than that and a couple more meetings with them this week, where I will wrap up my training on writing a strategic plan, I'm a complete waste of space, due to the fact that Im America bound next week!! Soooo excited, soooo distracted.

Ke tla go bona ka next week!
- Bontle/ Heather

High School, Peace Corps style

These past couple weeks Ive been in and out of the village for various Peace Corps trainings, and the time spent with my fellow Americans pretty much solidified my creeping suspicion that being in Peace Corps is kind of like going through those awkward high school years all over again. You body is going through weird changes you can't seem to explain or understand. You spend hours alone in your room listening to angsty music by candle light. You have wild, emotional mood swings... one minute you're ecstatic with joy, and five minutes later you're balling your eyes out. ( and ten minutes after that you realize you've gone through your last roll of single-ply toilet paper and must devise a plan to reuse some of the less wet ones for the outcome of the upset stomach you've just given yourself).

There's also a very high school-like social structure to Peace Corps... every six months new volunteers come in, so youve got freshman, sophomores, juniors, and Seniors. The freshmen look up to and admire the upperclassmen, but at the same time think they're assholes for acting like they know everything... until the freshman become sophomores and realize they know sooo much more than the freshly arrived volunteers... and tell them so. In Peace Corps South Africa High School, I am now a sophomore, and I definitely feel like the freshman should listen to me. Because what do they know about keepin' it real in South Africa? And dont they understand Im only trying to help them? Dont they understand anything Im trying to say? No, of course not. Because this is high school and "no one understands me". Ah, back to feeling misunderstood by the world. The newly arrived volunteers wont understand because my own friends dont understand. I mean, its one thing to not be understood by South Africans, but to not be understood by fellow Americans? Eish!

Its that vicious cycle of analytical thought all over again. Except this time I suppose I have the foresight to realize Im behaving as if Im in high school. And i realize its silly to expect everyone to understand each other all the time.. Especially in Peace Corps South Africa High School, where everyone's situation is so entirely different and there are a million different factors both within and out of our control that make it so. And I dont really have much to say to the new volunteers, because most of what they will experience will be completely different from my experience.

Im not saying Ive stopped listening to angsty music. What I am saying is that I'm trying to own the feeling that I dont need to be understood all the time. I think life could be more enjoyable, where ever you are, if you stop yourself from trying to make people understand who you are and what you do. If you stop trying to change other people's perspectives and just focus on your own individual growth and learning process instead, while being observant and respectful of other people's experiences. Im also saying that from now on, I'm buying my one-ply toilet paper in bulk and stashing some away for a, uh, rainy day.

Health Carnival Event

whoa, dang, its been a long time since my last blog post... its also been a long time since Ive had the head space to sit down and write one. But there's a little bit o' room up there right now so here it is for all you impatient assholes ( love ya!):

These past couple weeks I had been coordinating a "Health Carnival and 3.5K Fun Walk/Run" in my village, as mentioned in previous blogs. The two other people i had been coordinating with both fell ill for two entire weeks before the event, so i was left to coordinate the event all by my lonesome. While we had been holding stakeholder's meetings for a couple months before the event, very little action happens in regards to said event until right before it is to take place.. so not much had been done before my counterparts became sick, with everything left until three weeks before the event to follow-up and get moving on. I was trying to keep the Youth Centre open by myself, coordinate the Health Carnival, and attend the lay counselor's thrice weekly meetings ( which, by the way, is still going quite well). So needless to say I was having a hard time managing all three responsibilities.

Some how, though, it all came together and we had a fabulous event. Of course, it started over two hours late, the program was completely changed from what all of the stakeholders had agreed on, and some critical supplies that we had been told was approved in the budget was actually never approved. But these things were all expected to happen, because guess what? This is Africa. And thats how they roll here... so instead of fighting against everyone and demanding that things be the neat and orderly and efficient American way, I rolled with them. I had been been so stressed the weeks before the event, trying to make sure everything was covered. How silly all my stress was. On the day of the event it was so nice to let go of control, trust the people I had been working with, and just let the event happen. Maybe about 300 people showed up in total, mostly youth and Gogos ( grannies). Everyone had an amazing time, and we had sports, games, singing, dancing, performances, health talks,prizes, all in all a really awesome time. We also had an HIV/AIDS testing drive and a Diabetes testing drive. and get this... this is what i am most proud of :

154 people got tested for HIV at the health carnival!!

I am completely blow away by this number. I never expected this many people to get tested. We had six different rooms for testing, and they were full the entire time. and more people wanted to get tested after the drive finished. I am so proud of us. What a great way to start off my Peace Corps service. :)

Complex Simplicity II

You, take II: " we would talk about truth(s) and beauty and fascination...we would not only accept, but revel in the wonders of momentous life...we would never forget how to stand in awe of everything. atman and brahman would finally equal one another and both terms would lose all context...everything would lose all context and we would finally talk about what actually matters to us...whatever that might be."

I went to my fave Chinese restaurant in town today after taking care of some Health Carnival Biznass... I got there not so much for the food, but for the woman, Lisa, who works there. She is one of my favorite people in South Africa and we always have a jolly ol' time, each and every time. I love how I've adopted the ability of mirroring other people's speech and body language and expressions. I suppose its a part of being the only native English speaker almost everywhere I go. It incredibly how much more you can communicate with others if you stop trying to make them understand your way of communicating and just adopt their way instead. So with Lisa, i get to speak in broken English, and its so much fun! " Me no come tomorrow for atofu. Me come only next week. Me no money come tomorrow. Me phone you quickly for afresh atofu." are how our convos go. And we dont only talk about tofu.. oh no, we talk about life and relationships and love and 'God' and everything.

Another reason i love this woman is because she has the most interesting friends and I usually meet other quirky characters when I frequent this hole in the wall. Today I met an absolutely amazing person. After shaking hands, we immediately launched in to conversations about our passions, about seeing the universe and the things in it with our hearts and not our eyes, the amazing effect the laughter of children has on us, our powerful connection with nature, and how we both lay in a bucket of water when stressed...yes, Ive met another leghoa (spelling?) who enjoys a good bucket bath!

The most brilliant woman in my life- the one with the brilliant response above- told me to stop looking for answers and to just start looking.. to just reach out into the universe and often you will find not only what you were looking for, but what you didnt even know you needed. Ive been stressing lately over a few Ausi's behavior and chaotic energy in the village lately, and have been trying to figure out a way to better understand them, connect with them, accept them. In conversation with my new friend, he said something.. something that helps to answer my question regarding these two Ausis... he said that even in people that he doesnt understand or get along with, he finds the tiniest point, the smallest bit of beauty in them, and he focuses on that.. he doesnt see the rest of their ugliness, he only sees the beauty within them.. and even the worst people you can think of have something beautiful inside of them. I started laughing and told him how the universe had just provided for me by having us meet that day.. I got so much more than the answer to the question buzzing in my head. He is really involved in sustainable farming, etc. and has many sponsors and people to put me in contact with, and another Ausi has been wanting to start a project centered around sustainable farming.. I just reached out like you said and all of these things fell into place. Oh, the things you can learn when you allow yourself to...

Meditation

***
I close my eyes and let my heart do its work. It clangs against my sternum, steadily gaining speed and intensity to help it achieve its goal. My chest cracks open and my heart flutters upwards, perching itself on that light fixture I've been meaning to fix for weeks. It beats in rhythm with the music floating from my bedroom, with the jumbled syllables of my baby brother's first words, with the twitch of my pup's paws as she runs after the chickens in her dreams... it beats with the rhythm of the universe.

I tilt my head back and let my blood spill to the floor. It trickles down my stomach, pooling in my belly button before creating a larger puddle on the floor, underneath the light fixture where my heart is perched. The reflection of my beating heart creates waves in the pool of dark red liquid, causing it to ripple outwards. Red and white blood cells, platelets, and plasma coat my tiled floor and begin searching for cracks in the walls to seep through. They find them without much trouble and pulse their way to the fruit trees and piles of dog shit that line my house.

With the viscous liquid out of its way, the sun shines through me and sets my internal organs on fire. I burst into flames, into infinite energy, and i join the photons on their journey throughout the cosmos...

***

dreams, poems, and life-long friends

I had a dream the other night that I was some how back in The States. i was really pissed off and kept telling everyone, " Why am I here?! I'm not supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be in South Africa!" and I was trying to get a flight back to RSA but there were no openings. i woke up smiling at the realization that in my life right now, Im not supposed to be any where but here.

***
Some fellow PCVs dropped some Shel Silverstein books off for the Youth Centre to keep. This particular poem really speaks to me...

"draw a crazy picture,
write a nutty poem,
sing a mumble-gumble song,
whistle through your comb.
do a loony-goony dance
'cross the kitchen floor,
put something silly in the world
that aint been there before."
- Shel Silverstein

***
I've made some incredible South African friends these past couple of weeks. They're the kind of friends i know will be in my life forever, especially since I plan on eventually living on their plot of land when i come back to South Africa to work.

Complex Simplicity

Me: " Im just thinking about how simple we always try and make ourselves in order to connect with other people. If we and others embraced how complex we all are, how would that be?"

You: " Every interaction would be infinitely more intimate and we would be necessarily much more vulnerable and open... potentially much less ego?"

What are you thinking?

Home sweet home

The other day, a South African asked where home was for me. I replied, " My home is in XXXX village, in the Northwest Province, in South Africa." I realized in that moment that this really does feel like home, not just a place that I'm passing through for two years. I needed to say it out loud, to hear myself say it. I didn't expect to feel this way about being in South Africa, especially after being here for only six months...and it's a splendidly precious feeling.

Much love from my humble abode,
Bontle

Bontle's first Holiday in RSA, Part IV

Our first night in Cape Town we couch surfed at an amazing gay couple's house. It was all of our first time couch surfing, and their first time hosting couch surfers, so we were all a bit nervous and wanted to make it a good time for them. They were incredible hosts! They made us dinner, we drank good wine, and had great conversation. We of course told stories of village life, and they told us stories about growing up in South Africa during Apartheid as non-racist Afrikaners. One of them had been 17 when he was drafted into the army; it was mandatory at that point, and if you did not go into the army after finishing Matric (the national exam given at the end of grade 12), you were imprisoned. Because our host spoke Xhosa, a black South African language ( very few white people, especially during Apartheid spoke a black language) he was assigned to intelligence to 'decode' messages intercepted from the ANC, the leading anti-apartheid political party at the time, and still the leading political party in RSA today. He grew up on a farm and played with the worker's children, who were black, so he was never a racist. He did not want to translate the messages because he knew that if he did, many innocent people would be murdered, for no other reason than the color of their skin. During the height of the anti-Apartheid struggle, he refused to translate the messages, and he was charged with treason. By the time his court case came around, Apartheid had ended so he was not sent to prison.

The choice that he and other whites made to stand on the side of justice was not a simple one. White South Africans who stood on the side of the blacks put themselves at risk of charges of treason and imprisonment. They put themselves and those close to them at risk of murder and hate crimes perpetrated against them by racists white South Africans. Many of them were disowned by their families and friends. Because of all the atrocities against them, many black South Africans would not trust a white South African, so often times they were not accepted by the blacks either.The amount of strength, courage, and character it took for white South Africans during Apartheid to rise up against their upbringing and risk loosing everything in the name of justice and humanity is incredibly honorable, and something I think more people should be aware of.

After a wonderful stay with the couch surfers, we spent our last day with the car on a wine tour, which was of course delicious! That evening we checked into the Penthouse Backpackers on Long street, where we stayed for the remained of our time in Cape Town. I highly recommend anyone who visits Cape Town to stay there. The staff is amazingly nice and I feel like they are my extended family now. Our first night there I decided to have a good wrastle with David ( like any proper Texas gal who grew up with a twin brother will do). I jumped on his back, and before i could get him in the sleeper hold, he through me off onto the ground... and onto Chris's metal water bottle. I was immobile almost instantly, and was in incredible pain, but somehow I managed to walk to the Mexican food restaurant that night ( crying all the way, of course, but there was no way in hell I was going to miss out on Mexican food! I couldn't walk for the rest of the trip, so I just kicked it at the hostel, still having an amazing time because the staff and people staying there were so incredible. Turns out I fractured my 12th rib... oops. But do you think that will stop me from a good wrastle? No ways! Ive only got to figure out a way to maneuver the sleeper hold with more speed and agility. My next holiday in RSA, I'm looking to come away with more broken bones, new insights, and powerful connections with other people, with this country, and with this planet.

Bontle's first Holiday in RSA, Part III

In the early afternoon, we arrived in Hogsback, a town that J.R. Tolkien supposedly lived in and based 'The Hobbit' off of the forests there. We went on a wonderful hike in the forest and at the top found some stunning waterfalls. That night we hung out at the bar and met some fellow travellers. The next day we headed out for the National Arts Festival in Grahmstown. It was a beautiful drive and the terrain was becoming a bit more tropical. Now our beautiful Chico had done such an amazing job of taking us so far, and had put up with a lot of our bullshit. Finally, she just couldn't take it anymore and we blew two tires... at once. Luckily, we were only 15Km outside of Grahmstown, and since EVERYONE in South Africa drives a Chico, we found someone with the spirit of Ubuntu to let us borrow his spare tire until we reached Grahmstown. Once at the tire store, we discovered a nail in a third tire, so (Go Us!) we replaced all three tires at once. We made our way to the National Arts Festival, and of course I spent way too much money buying gifts for people at home... and for myself.

Our next stop was Jeffery's bay, known as one of the best surf spots in the world, and stayed at this great hostel called 'Ubuntu' for two nights. Aside from a trip to the Lion Sanctuary, where we played with lion cubs, we mostly just hung out at the hostel with folk there. It seemed as though many of the travellers we met were South Africans travelling around their own country, on part of some longer journey. We all swapped stories of places we had been, people we had met, things we had learned. Many of them had travelled to many other African countries, to Indonesia, and Northern Africa. They had stayed with locals in small villages where most of the people in the village were living in poverty, much like the villages here in South Africa... yet none of them had been to a village or township in their own country, or knew anything at all about the culture in the villages and townships. They were all so intrigued by our stories of village life. I was surprised by all of this... the fact that they didn't mind ' village life' in other cultures and could handle pooping in pit toilets, bucket baths, no running water, etc., but had never considered visiting any of the villages in their own country, or thought about what those people's lives might be like...

After J-Bay we made our way along the Garden Route to Wilderness, another beautiful town along the coast of South Africa. We stayed at a beautiful hostel that was at the top of the mountain, overlooking the ocean. We went hiking the next morning and once again found some beautiful waterfalls. Our road trip was coming to an end, as we headed towards Cape Town for the last leg of our journey...

Bontle's first Holiday in RSA, Part II

The first night we stayed in Clarens, a little Afrikaner town along the Lesotho border. It was incredibly beautiful- an artist community- and very quaint. We ran into some other PCVs from Lesotho staying at the hostel and we took the opportunity to swap stories about our respective PCV experiences and set the record straight about PC South Africa. Let me explain...
For the Sub-Saharan Africa region, South Africa is the 'medical hub' for PCVs with health issues that cannot be resolved in their country of service, because South Africa has excellent hospitals and medical facilities that many African countries don't have. So when PCVs from other African countries come to South Africa, what they see are the big cities, the shopping malls, the McDonald's, people driving BMWs and Mercedes... they stay in nice hotels, particularly if they are sick, and enjoy many of the luxuries that we once enjoyed in our previous lives in the The States. They see that the cities have Internet access, electricity, running water, cell phones, etc., and we have heard that many PCVs in the Sub-Saharan Africa region refer to PC SA as 'Posh Corps' because these things are available in the country that we serve in.... but this could not be farther from the truth... we live in villages just like them, with often have many problems with electricity, Internet, and running water. We deal with many of the same cultural and linguistic barriers that they face. In addition, we deal with the scars of racism that are still fresh- on all sides- resulting from Apartheid and decades of the systematic oppression of over 70 percent of the country's population. We are dealing with one of the world's worst HIV/AIDS crisis, some of the highest incidences of sexual assault and violent crimes, some of the highest unemployment rates, and one of the highest indexes of inequality. ... none of this seems very posh to any of us volunteering here, so its a bit upsetting to hear that fellow PCVs in neighboring countries perceive our experience as such. The Lesotho PCVs, however, were wonderful and we had a lovely time chatting with them and hearing about Lesotho.

The next day we had the longest drive of our trip ahead of us, so we woke up early and headed towards Hogsback, our next destination. We were up before dawn so we decided to stop at the top of a hill along the way to eat breakfast and watch the sunrise. With PB & J in hand and beautiful Lesotho mountains in the distance, we watched the sun rise out of the ground and paint the sky various shades of yellow, red and orange... it was so peaceful.

With Chris in the driver's seat and our trusty former Boy Scout, David, giving directions, we stuck to the dirt roads and took the more scenic route to Hogsback. From time to time there would be a village or two, or a shanty town, with an Afrikaner community directly across the dirt road... its easy to tell where the black South Africans live and where the white South Africans live. One side of the dirt road- where the black South Africans live- there are shacks made of corrugated tin, stacked close together. You can see chickens, cows, goats, donkeys, and various domesticated animals roaming the streets, and pillars of smoke from the burning of trash rise from people's yards. On the other side of the road- where the white South Africans live- tar roads weave in andout and are lined by brick houses, some two stories tall. You see tall, beautiful church steeples in the distance, a pool or two in some back yards.... one side on the dirt road has constantly running electricity and water, one doesn't. One side of the road has well-functioning schools with qualified teachers, the other side doesn't. On one side of the road, the people have access to health care and can visit a doctor and obtain the medicine they need, whenever they want. The other side of the road is devastated by unemployment, HIV/AIDS, and TB. On one side of the road, the children have parents who are still alive and caring for them.On the other side of the road, the 15 year old girl drops out of school to take care of her two younger siblings because both of her parents have died of AIDS... these fellow countrymen's lives and realities are separated by only twenty feel of dirt.

Sometimes we would drive along the divide, and other times there would be nothing but open spaces on either side of the dirt road. On one such stretch, we saw a couple of cars stopped and one or two people standing on the side of the road. We had been the only car on the road for a while at this point so we were a bit surprised to find a couple of cars and people just sitting there. As we got closer we saw a police car slowly driving up. We looked over and there was a little black girl, maybe around 12 or so, lying in the street. She was dead. No one was doing anything. The police car came upon the scene with no sense of urgency.. no sirens.. no flashing lights.. as if he had came upon the girl on accident, like we had. She was lying face down, arms spread out. She must have been hit by a car, her leg was twisted in a funny position and blood was everywhere. The four of us in the car never talked about what we saw...

Bontle's first Holiday in RSA, Part I

I'm back in the village now after an amazing ten day holiday, my first here in South Africa... and I'm not really sure how to describe my experience. How can you sum up ten days of amazingness? But then again, do we ever really recount our life experiences ' accurately', or in such a way that does what we've seen and learned justice?...

Like any good trek across South Africa, it started with a rented bright red Volkswagen Chico, an amazing little bitch of a car that we all grew very fond of and even cried over when she left us to haul around another group of obnoxious American travellers (obnoxious American travellers who probably never even came close to loving her like we did). Ah, the good ol' times with Chico.... Being obnoxious American travellers, we ( David, Laura, Christopher, and myself) are quite unfamiliar with the crazy rest of the world's way of driving manual. Since the boys had each driven manual once, they volunteered to do the driving while Laura and I chewed on Zanex tablets in the back to calm our nerves ( That, of course, is a joke...) So we spent about the first twenty minutes after renting Chico trying to pull out of the rental store's driveway... amazingly, right as the rental car employees came clawing at the doors to kick us out, and telling us what obnoxious Americans we all were, the boys managed to get the car in first and speed away! Shortly after we sped away, we remembered to drive on the right (that is, the left) side of the road... something we had to remember several times along our road trip :) After a good hour of practice, we finally hit the road and began our epic journey...

Goings on (external and internal)

External...
**Things are going just swell here in the village. We had another stakeholder meeting about a week ago and i am feeling pretty posi, as Masha would say, about the event. We presented the business plan, talked about our concerns with time, and put it to the stakeholders to decide whether to carry on with the full event. They were all very responsive and agreed that we should have the event on one day, and we would all take responsibility for it. So we've split up all the tasks and everyone is on board and i think it could be a success! We have our next meeting coming up next week where we will all report back to one another on the progress we've made, so Ill keep you updated.

** Things are also going splendidly with the lay counselors. I have missed some meetings what with promoting the health carnival event to other stakeholders, but we have started holding committee meetings, where I teach them about strategic planning. We had our first meeting this week and they were quite receptive and keen on learning and taking the necessary time to create a well thought out strategic plan. We are all looking forward to getting trained by Childline in July.

** and things are moving right along with opening the youth centre on Saturdays! We just got six new volunteers at the centre and they have some great ideas. We are hoping to start a debate team, a kickboxing class, sports, and ultimate dancing on Saturdays. Yaebo!

** my lovely flush toilet is currently out of order because the water keeps going out so often. So now i have the pleasure or keepin' it real like all the other PCVs. By this, of course, I am referring to the incredible opportunity to poop in a bucket after dark and disposing of it in the pit toilet when the sun shines through my window in the morning. I suppose this 'goings on' could fit in either the external or internal category, depending on your viewpoint... Ill let you ponder that...

internal...
** My holiday vacation is about a week away now, and I am incredibly excited about it, but when breaks come around, I always ask myself, "why do we need breaks?" If we feel like we need breaks all the time, ie, if we are so stressed with our lives that we need to escape, then somethings gotta change.. our perceptions, our attitude, our life, our job, something. So i started asking myself , ' why am I stressed? what part of living is making me feel so uncomfortable right now that i feel like i cant do anything but squeeze myself through some crack in the wall and escape? " I was so focused on taking a break that every person, everything in between me and that crack in the wall was incredibly bothersome and annoying... oh, man, what an awful way to let yourself go on feeling! So decided to that that not be so and change my perception. Ive been meditating at home, but i started walking meditation on the way to and from work. When i meditate, i focus on breathing in negative energy, transforming that into positive energy, and then breathing that right back out. It has changed my interactions with people and all of my surroundings. It has helped me be more aware, more relaxed, more open to the experience of the moment, whether or not i perceive it as positive or negative at first, because i know I can decide how the experience enters my senses and effects me. Instead of blocking things out avoiding situations, this has allowed me take everything in. Try this at home, kids!

oh, and you know that there really is no external and internal, right? Those are just illusions, boxes made out of nice, neat, straight lines that we think we need to create in order to understand things. I'm just being silly, talking about things external of me and internally within me. Everything is onething.

Much love,
Bontle

O tla batla go dira eng ke future?- Ga ke itse!

For me, in these beginner stages of learning how to live in the present, it seems easier if I can say to myself that I dont know what will happen in the future... I've had my entire life planned out since now so its difficult for me. So ive been trying to think of some different possibilities that maybe I could do after Peace Corps.. and ok, i know, its still sorta like making a list, but its a start for me!

I'm thinking maybe I could:
** take my post-bacc classes and the MCATS and apply for med school
** apply for grad school to be a nurse practioner
**Work for an international NGO in Switzerland, Denmark, Amsterdam, Sweden
**Make my comeback in the dance world! I miss ballet sooooo much and Ive been doing a lot of stretching and pilates type stuff, so maybe I can take the dance world by storm! (or at least get a part-time job and dance with a pre-professional company for a year or two)

(putting asteriks instead of numbers makes me feel like its less of a list)

Maybe Ill do all of these! Maybe Ill do none of these! The point is that for the first time in my life, coming up with many different options that are all on equal footing is allowing me to say, " I dont know what Ill be doing two years from now, and thats ok. Because Ill be doing something amazing, and Im doing something amazing right now!" I catch myself trying to plan out each scenario in my head, what it would be like, what I'd need to do.. but when i catch myself doing that i just say," i dont know!" I'm trying to make that my mantra these days... and everytime i say it, for the first time, I feel a strange sense of calm and acceptance, which is something i have never really experienced before in regards to not knowing how my future would work out.

Hopefully some day I will be able to live in the present- to live with intention every moment- and also live with direction, without letting direction fully take control over my life like its done in the past. But for right now, I'm focusing on living in the present, on living intentionally every moment here in South Africa...

kisskiss- Bontle

Viva, Youth, Viva! Viva, jika-ma-jika, Viva!

Hello All,
This weekend i went to Freedom Park in Pretoria with the volunteers from the Youth Centre ( which, of course I had approved leave from my PC supervisor). While i was waiting for the combi ( taxi) to pick me up, I tried to take some pictures of my village..

This is my street!



This is the tar road!

Freedom Park is a memorial to the Freedom Fighters and the Anti-Apartheid movement. The park was hosting an event for Youth Day, a South African holiday. There were over 100 youth there, mostly bused in from surrounding villages and townships near Pretoria. Of course, me and the other PCV were the only white people at the event.

The event centered around discussions of how the Youth can move forward with the ideas of freedom and a non-racist, non-sexist country that there forefathers gave their lives to help secure. The youth in South Africa today are viewed very negatively by the older generations... they are referred to as "born-frees" and seen as being politically apathetic and taking for granted the freedom previous generations won for them. It is something that has confronted us volunteers since the moment we arrived in South Africa, and it is very difficult to deal with. Many adults in SA view the youth as trouble makers, as being lazy, stubborn, and naughty. Since Apartheid ended and the government sought to have equality for all, many policies on child's rights came into effect. Many older generations blame these new laws protecting the rights of the child for the problems among the youth, because they feel like they are unable to discipline their children without being accused of child abuse. .. since the old ( and still used) method of discipline is violence. Their beef is that the youth abuses their rights without knowing their responsibilities. Corporal punishment is still a HUGE problem in schools, and the older generations have not been taught how to discipline children and youth in healthy ways without resulting to violence, so its a big issue and Im doing a really kak ( Afrikaans for shit!) job of explaining the problem because it is sooo big and so complicated.. Mainly what I want to say is that its not solely the youth that is the problem, there are issues on both sides to contribute to the violence, delinquency, and risky sexual behavior among the youth. And there are a ton of really amazing, really motivated youth who want to make a difference in this country and who are doing what they can, against many, many odds and little support to do just that.

The discussions were long and they went two hours over lunch, so after a while we all had a difficult time paying attention over the noises our stomachs were making. But when it was over and we had all eaten, they played house music, which is very popular in South Africa and is always blaring at all hours of the day across the country, and cleared some space for people to dance. The popular style of dance for black South Africans is called jiveing, or jika-ma-jika. Its really awesome and I've been trying to learn so that I'll have some new dance moves for Lauren's wedding. So after a brief dance lesson from my friend and a second of hesitation, i entered the dance floor and began to show off my moves.... everyone went insane and started yelling and cheering me on! They were soooo surprised to see a white person dancing with them in their style. They formed a circle around me and people on the outskirts ran over to see the Leghoa ( white person) dance. They started dancing with me, and we were all laughing and hollering and hootin! You could feel all this racial tension melt away.. it was such an incredible experience and i wish you could have been there to see it. Luckily, we got it on video and Ill try and post it to the blog. As we were all leaving the park, many of the girls came up to me, giving my hugs and shaking my hand, and telling me that I could really dance! haha ...its hard to explain what it felt like, but my first jiving experience is something I'll never forget.

Me at Freedom Park!

How to call my SA cell phone using Skype

Here are directions for calling me using skype, compliments of Emily, since she seems to be the only one of you putzes to figure out how to use it.... but I love you all anyway.

go to contacts
add a contact
(put Heather or Bontle or whatever you'd like in the name box under the add a number section)
click on the "Country..." drop-down box and click on "South Africa +27"
then in the box to the right, type in "726979XXX" (email me for the rest of the number if you dont have it yet...)
then click on "Add Number" and it should show up in the Skype contact list

I look forward to hearing your voice!

The Essentials

** Water is back.... in fact, it rained for almost 48 hours straight. At first the water on the tin roof is relaxing, but after 24 hours of constant rain you begin to feel like your at Gitmo during the Bush regime and under some sort of water torture.**

**Now that the water is back the electricity is touch and go. Its favorite time to go out is when I'm in the middle of cooking a scrumptious vegan meal (yes, Daddy, I did just put 'scrumptious' and 'vegan' in the same sentence)**

** Its Winter now in South Africa and its cold... its cold 24/7 because there is not indoor heating anywhere. Its so cold right now I can see my breath inside the house. Bucket baths= no sharp sharp. **

** Respite is on the way in the form of a ten day trip to Cape Town! We are in the planning stages but what i can tell you now is that my chomis and I will be staying in a hippie commune along the way and couch surfing with a gay couple for a few days once we reach our destination. Hippies and gay men are two of my favorite things and they are both about to be in my life again! Ke ithumetse thata! ( Im so happy!) **

Be thankful for running water and indoor heating, beechez,
Heather/Bontle

Oh, the bittersweet fruits of meditation...

On letting go...


Why is letting go so hard? We all hold on to something... someone, some emotion, something in our past, etc. Holding on to thoughts, people, emotions, etc. helps us form identities of who we are and what we are capable of becoming or doing in the future...

The present is the great unknown. Most people say that the future is the great unknown, but actually we do a pretty great job of deceiving ourselves into knowing the future by planning. But you cant deceive yourself into living in the present. Its living in the present that we are most afraid of.

Letting go is difficult because when you let go, you realize there might be more possibilities for your future than you planned for, and you become aware of your self-deception that things would be/could be only one way. So then the future becomes the great unknown again, and now you've realized the present's role in uncovering this and how unknown living in the present is, and you look to the past for comfort in being the one thing you 'know'. Until you realize that even your past isnt that concrete because its all based on your perception, and now that your perception of the future has changed, your perception of the past is likely to change as well.

When all your perceptions and preconceived notions of the past and future break down, that's when you can living in the present. That's when you can let go. That's when you can live... now.

Nala, etc.

Hello All,

This post is dedicated to my wonderful little shit of a dog, Nala. She's getting so big now and I love her so much. She is seriously my best friend here and i dont know what I'd do with out her. We cuddle every night and she mostly stays inside, until she's had all her shots and has been fixed. Everyone , especially my Mma, laughs at me because they think its weird how much i love her and spend so much time taking care of her. Most people here in the villages dont really like animals. They throw rocks at them and feed them next to nothing, if they remember to feed them at all. Dogs are really just kept as guard dogs, not pets.

Afternoon lovebites

In other news, still no water. Things are going spendidly with the lay counselors and I am going to start teaching them about strategic planning next week so they can write their business plan.

Peace Corps approved my vacation leave for Cape Town ! Yaebo!! So in a few weeks Ill be driving to Cape Town with some lovely ol' chaps and stopping along the way to see beautiful things. We are couch surfing for two nights in Cape Town with a gay couple (!!!!) and then staying at a hostel the rest of the nights. I cannot wait to see my chomis and spend a little holiday time with them.

Thats all i really feel like saying right now... I have to go spend some time wiggling my waggles away...

kisskiss- Heather/Bontle

Give me water! Give me life!

Going on 9 days without water... Ke kopa metsi?? Tu?? There's soooo much time to think here, but there seems to be especially more time to think when there's no water. Because after a day or two, when your two lone buckets have run out of water, and you realize the water probably wont return for a while, and who knows when, you have to try and stop living. You feel like you cant eat, because then you need water to cook and you have none. You cant move, because if you do you'll make a mess and you'll need water to clean it up... and you certainly cant move vigorously because then youll be thirsty and perspire, and you'll need water to bathe your stank ass and quench your thirst. You even attempt to will your bowels to stop because you have no water to flush that stupid flush toilet you were so happy to have.... so you just sit... and think.

**Eish, man! After a life time of planning my life in seven year blocks and making lists after list for things you would think you cant even make a list for ( believe me, you can make a list for anything... ive done it) I am finally realizing what major issues i have with living in the present. **

** Self-preservation is something that matters here...I suppose lack of self-preservation is an occupational hazard of the work we are trying to do here, but more of it is needed. Dont even ask me to expand on this one, because I wont do that here ( mostly because Im not really even sure what i mean....**

**When you continually make the same mistake over and over again and the result of that mistake is always a huge pain in your ass (and your heart), does it mean you have masochistic tendencies? Maybe this goes along with the aforementioned thought. Do you ever feel like you are rubber-necking your own train wreck?**

Im learning so much about myself, Its starting to be embarrassing. Maybe the water will come back on soon and I wont feel so confronted with myself....

In other news, Im busying myself this weekend with a business plan for a 'Health Carnival' event me , my supervisor, and a fellow PCV are trying to organize. We've got some great ideas, and we want to even to center around an HIV/AIDS testing drive, but as i write the plan i see some major flaws in it. We want to have the event in August, which is fast approaching, and I think we need at least until October to plan the event. Its not too late to turn things around; we have only had one meeting with interested parties, so hopefully my colleagues will agree with me once they see the details in the business plan and we can reschedule the event... Ill tell you more about the event once all the details get settled.

I a super,super pumped for the group of lay counselors i am helping. We were able to schedule a 5-day lay counselor training program in July with Childline, are fantastic international NGO working on issues such as child abuse/neglect, etc., anything having to do with children's mental health issues. It was their last slot for training for the entire year, so we feel very lucky and excited to have reserved it! We went to meet with the chief ( Kosi) in the village to reserve space at the tribal hall and he is completely behind the volunteers starting the program. We started wish 6 volunteers and needed at least 18 to get the training, and the volunteers have already found 12 people interested in joining us. They are all such wonderful people an incredibly dedicated to starting to program, so Im really happy to have met them and to be a part of what they are doing.

Currently, the Youth Centre isn't' open on Saturdays, which is a huge problem since, well, its a youth centre and that's when the youth has a lot of free time. So opening the youth centre on Saturdays is something i really want to make happen. Before it can open on Saturdays, my supervisor says we mus first have some programs organized. i visited the high school a week ago to introduce myself to some of the students and told them to please come and visit me at the centre and tell me what it is they are interested in doing/learning because we would love to start some programs for the, especially on Saturdays. So this week a boy from the high school came and wants to start a kickboxing program at the youth centre. He's been trying to start a class for a while at different locations but has been turned down for various reasons, so he seems really committed to the idea. I also talked with another volunteer at the centre who teaches yoga about teaching a class on Saturdays, so now all i have to do is find some other volunteers to open the centre with me and we're set to start on Saturdays! I think it will make a big difference to have the centre open on Saturdays, and as time goes on and we get more dedicated volunteers with ideas, we can add on more programs and activities. Ill keep you posted...

May your cup runeth over, where ever you may be,
Heather/Bontle

I couldnt sleep the other night, thinking of all these new projects we are trying to start at the Youth Centre and how we can make them happen, so I called my bestie, Masha, at 3 in the morning and talked for at least an hour. I love talking to my Mashee Moo because she tells me stories and gossip and all the dramatic, emotional sagas going on in Boston, as if I was still there. She doesnt tell me ," oh, you know, nothing really, nothing like your adventures in South Africa." It hurts when people from home say that because the reason Im calling is because I want to know whats going on in your life. And none of it is mundane to me, just because Im here and you're there. I want to know all the details. And just because I've made the decision to live in South Africa for two years doesnt mean that experiences at home are any less important or life changing as mine are here... they're just different. Im not over here saving the world. Im over here for just as many selfish reasons as I am to help people here. And arent we all trying to learn something more about ourselves, see what it is we are capable of doing in this crazy, fucked up world?

I think one thing I'm beginning to learn over here is that we are all so much stronger than we ever let ourselves think we are. When i was talking to Masha, she asked how I was doing and if i was happy. Such complicated questions for me at the moment. I didnt really give a direct answer. i just talked to her about how hard things are here, how impossible some things seem to undertake, and that I want things to be easier... I want me life to be easier. But even as i was telling her these things, i knew it wasnt really how I felt at all. I dont want things to be easier, ever, in my life. I find that sometimes I wish for it but when things get easy, I cant stand it. I feel stagnant and suffocated, like theres no room for me to grow as a person or learn new things about myself and others... and then all I want is for things to shake up again and propel me forward into new beginnings, new lessons, new people, new relationships, new struggles.

So i dont know why I continually wish things to be easier. But Im starting to think that maybe its becuase I havent trusted enough in the strength i have to make it though.. not only make it through, but learn something and be a more complete me, if that makes sense. We have so many protective mechanisms to hold ourselves together. So many boundaries that help us know who we are. To me, when we know who we are, all we really do is trap ourselves into things we can do and things we cant do, beliefs, values, and people we can relate to, and those that we will never even come close to understanding. Knowing everything about yourself makes it very difficult to learn new things. I dont want things to be easy, and i hope i never know who i am. I hope to only ever see glimpses of these things, that I can constantly be pushed forward to learn and understand as many things around me as possible.

I love you all.
kisskiss- Heather/Bontle

Bontle's Guide tocommonly used South African Phrases and slang

Hi Lovies,

I have often wondered after many a telephone call from home if any of you knew what i was actually talking about. To help you interpret my new way of jabbering on, keep this list handy the next time we talk on the phone, you visit me in South Africa, or when I come home to visit. Better yet, suprise me and try using some yourself during our next conversation, or confuse someone in the States you dont feel like talking to by using the below mentioned phrases and slang words...

Tsotsi: Gangster.
ex: "Dont walk through thebush becuase the tsotsis will climb over that far away mountain and get you."

*Many of the slang words are referred to as "tsotsi talk" bc it was the tsotis who came up with the words, although they are used widely in the population, especially among youth. *

Heita: hello, in tsotsi talk
prounounced sort of like 'ey-tah'

Hola: hello, in tsotsi talk.... although it is the spanish 'hello'! Supposedly when Fidel Castro visited SA when communism was big he brought it over...

Sharp: used in many differnt ways, but usually means " good or cool"
Pronounced 'shop'
ex: Some one asks you how you are, and you say 'sharp sharp'
Someone asks if you want something to eat but you are full, you say, 'Im sharp'

Sure sure: Tsotsi for 'im good' or ''thats good'
Prounounced 'sho sho'
Ex: "Heita" reply: 'sho sho'

is it?: same as 'really?' in the US
ex: I went to the store to buy bread but they were all out. reply: 'is it?'

Sorry: an apologiy given by one personwhen something happens to someone else at no fault of their own.
ex: I drop my pen and bump my head on a desk picking it up. my friend says : 'sorry, sorry!'

Double up: to take a short cut
ex: lets not walk on the tar road, lets double up through the bush.

Bush: woods/ forest/ open area with bushes

Yaebo!: 'yes' in Zulu, also sort of like saying, 'Ya!'

Shame: 'thats too bad' used allll the time
ex: I missed the taxi this morning. reply: 'oh, shame.'

short left/short right: how you indicate when you want to get off the taxi.

neh?: said at the end of sentences, sort of like, 'you know? or 'you with me?'
ex: I was trying to go to the mall, neh? But the taxi was late, neh? so i didnt make it.

Akere?: similar use and placement as 'neh', but the meaning is more along the lines of ' do you understand?'

Yo!: sound made to indicate suprise.
ex: The price of avocados at the store has tripled in the last month. reply: Yo!

owwww-wahh!: similar to 'yo!'

Eish!: similar to owww-wahh and yo, but in situations of stress.
ex: Eish, I have a lot of work to catch up on.

Spaza:small grocery store in a village

Chomi: friend


Ok, thats all I can think of now. but hopefully Ill learn more along they way! Sharp Sharp!

Yaebo, South Afrika!

Dumela, ba chomi wa ka! ( hello my friends)

I know, I've been incredibly awful about writing blogs as, well, i haven't written even one since being here. But hey, I'm starting ( maybe) now, so better late than never?

Soooooo soooo much has happened since I've been here, so rather than trying to go back and recall everything, Ill just give you a general idea of where I am, what ive been doing, and just take er' from here...

So I've been an official peace corps volunteer (PCV) almost 2 months now. Im living in a rural village in the Northwest province about 2 hours by taxi NW of pretoria. My village is great and I feel safe here. There are three other PCVs staying in my village ( two education volunteers and one home-based care volunteer) that have been living here for almost two years already, so they leave in September while Ill be staying on until April 3, 2011. ( God, its weird to say that I'll be coming home in 2011!) I think having the other PCVs softened my entrance into the village because the people here have become somewhat familiar to having white people around.... white South Africans NEVER live in villages here and rarely, if ever visit them, so there is still not a lot of contact between white South Africans and rural Black South Africans. In fact, when white South Africans drive through the village and see me on my daily 40 minute walk to and from work, they usually screech their tires, reverse, and frantically yell at me in Afrikaans to jump in the car so they can save me! I find it more fun to respond in setswana that I dont speak Afrikaans and that Im sharp ( im good) and dont need help : Ga ke Bue Afrikaans, Ke bua Setswana le English fela. Go sharp, Ga ke batle thuso. Aparteid ended only 14 years ago, so there is still a lot of tension and misunderstanding between the two groups, understandably.

Anyways, i live in a lovely home, and one thats probably the biggest house I'll ever live in any time soon. Its a lot nicer than what the typical PCV lives in, so lucky me! It has two bed rooms, a living and dining room, a kitchen, and a bathroom with a flush toilet. Water and electricity are a problem in the village and one or both is always running out, so i take bucket baths and keep the tub filled with water for flushing the toilet when the water goes out. Sometimes its out for a few hours or a day, sometimes for several days... so far the longest its been out was 14 days.. eish, man!

I live by myself with Nala, my wonderful puppy, but on the same property as my host family. I love them so much and they have been absoltuely wonderful to me. I have an older host sister who lives in Pretoria, an older brother, a younger brother in high school, and my host sister's 1 1/2 yr old son lives with us as well. i am usually exhausted by the end of the day so usually retire to my humble abode, but my mma and i talk outside for a few minutes almost everyday, and on the weekends we may sit outside under a tree and do our laundry and just talk.
In South Africa, it is supposedly a compliment to be told that you are fat. Not only that you are fat, but how fat you are and where on your body is particularly fat. It is suppose to indicate that you love South Africa and that your family is treating you and feeding you well, so its like, a sign of love or something. So this topic of conversation comes up every week on laundry day. She tells me how fat i am and points and pinches me where I am supposedly the fattest, and tells me how all her colleagues at work also notice how fat i am. It can sometimes be a little frusterating after a long week, since in the US this is something you would only say to someone you absolutely hated and wanted to make cry, but I accept it since, well, I dont really have a choice and i know she means no harm by it. I usually just go along and agree that yes, Im very fat, and yes, look at my hips, they are so big. So when you come and visit me, just be forewarned that no matter what your actual size, people will insist on your fatness.
I am working at a youth centre in my village... it is the only youth centre in the entire municipality. There are some great volunteers there, who have so good ideas, they just arent sure where to begin or how to get them into action. So thats sorta where I come in; to help get the ball rolling and get programs more organized at the youth centre. it is currently not being used nearly as much as it should, so along with some of the current volunteers, i will be trying to recruit more volunteers to the youth centre and better organize some programs to go on at the centre. Im wanting to focus specifically on high school and out-of-school youth, as there are many in the village and not many services or programs devoted to them. Im not sure what kind of programs we will do because we must first get their input and see what kind of programs they are interested in, plus find the dedicated volunteers interested in running the programs. Finding volunteers is a challenge, especially younger volunteers, bc the positions go unpaid and most out-of-school youth want paying jobs after matric(grade 12), but they dont know where to look or what opportunities are available to them, so many of them end up doing nothing for a period of time.

I have also found a group of about 6 very dedicated volunteers interested in starting a lay counseling group for issues such as child abuse, etc., or any kind of counseling children and youth may need. They have been trying to start a program for a couple of years but did not know how to express themselves or get started, and were coming across many road blocks. I was so happy when someone put them in contact with me because although Ive only been in the village about 2 months, i can see there are many problems among the youth , but no one for them to talk to. So we are in the very, very beginning stages of forming a lay counseling group and looking into training. i think we are off to a great start, though.

Ok, wow, I feel like Ive written a lot but theres so much to say, and i will never be able to fully sum up my experiences here. So you should all come visit me! Until tha day, maybe Ill try writing more blogs. I love you all and miss you terribly. I have a new address here in the village, but for safety reasons ( and as ordained by Peace Corps) i cannot post it here. Please email me at heather.n.brand@gmail.com and Ill send it to you so you can send me letters and lots of vegan goodies- Im in constant need of nuts, good coffee, and nutritional yeast.

kisskiss!
Heather/ Bontle( my setswana name, which means Beauty)

The Journey Begins...

Well, the day has finally come. I begin my journey to South Africa for Peace Corps tomorrow, Monday Feb 2nd. After a year and a half of applying to Peace Corps, months of saying my goodbyes, and weeks of packing, I'm not exactly sure how ready I am, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I'm definitely nervous, but more than anything I'm excited for the adventure before me. I'm still pretty clueless as to what I'll be doing and where I'll be, but here's what I know so far:

** Most importantly to all of you, I WONT HAVE PHONE OR INTERNET ACCESS UNTIL AFTER APRIL 2ND (see mailing address below)**

Mon Feb 2nd: Fly to Philadelphia to officially register as a Peace Corps Trainee

Tues Feb 3rd: Fly out of JFK airport in New York on a direct flight to Johannesburg, South Africa ( a whopping 17.5 hr flight!)

First 5 days in South Africa: Begin PST (pre-service training) at an educational center 1.5 hrs outside of Johannesburg with all peace corps trainees. Each day we will have one-on-one interviews with Peace Corps staff to help them place us in the organization and host family that best suits us.

Mid Feb- April 2nd: Move in with host family and continue pre-service training.

April 2nd: I am officially sworn in as a Peace Corp Volunteer

April 2nd and Beyond: Hopefully at this point Ill have internet access and can start blogging regularly. I'll be moving to my permanent site where I'll spend the next two years living with a host family and working in the community as an HIV/AIDs outreach volunteer.

Well, I suppose that's it for now. I love you all dearly and dont know how I will make it through the first two months without any communication, but I'm sure Ill have plenty of interesting stories to tell by then. I'll be thinking of you all every day and missing you until my safe return! Getting mail is great, and I promise to write you back! My mailing address during Pre-service training is below. Just be aware that mail to South Africa really is 'snail mail' and it could take 2-3 weeks for your letter to arrive to me, and vice versa when I write you back. Unil then, my loves, keep it real. Yeeeeehaw!

My address in South Africa for the first few months:
Heather Brand
Peace Corps
PO Box 9536
Pretoria 0001
South Africa